Let's start from the very beginning. Me and Matt had decided we were ready to start "trying" to have a baby. However I have a history of ovarian cysts and some cervical issues which led to a big question, would this be possible? My incredible OBGYN at the time was unsure as well. We had no idea how much scar tissue was on my ovaries, nor did we have a clue as to how strong and dependabasle my cervix was. I could have had ultra sounds done and testing done, but me and my doctor decided you know what, just have fun and see what happens. I was instructed not to worry, not to chart, and not to use an ovulation kit. Just take 6-12 months and have fun with your husband. But how can you not worry? How could I not think about the possibility of having children with my husband may not be in the cards for us. I also had been taking a strong oral contraceptive since I was 17 in order to stop cysts from forming, so what would be the aftermath of that? Or the fact that I had the gardisil vaccine in my 20s, which I had started reading about possible links between this vaccine and infertility. It was just too much and I felt as though we were up against the world. Yet M was so supportive.. We discussed that if 3-4 years went by, we exhausted our options, we could always adopt. And I think his openess to that option relaxed me, and let me know that no matter what, he wasn't going anywhere and we were in this together; no matter what our end result would be.
I took my last birth control pill in February and my cycle started on March 6th and was completely normal. I was instructed to wait 3 months before we were to start trying in order for my cycle to balance itself out and for us to get an idea of my ovulations. So a few days before my following period was to arrive we went to movies for the first time without a rain jacket..... if you get what I mean. Crazy, but me and M were always nervous we would just get pregnant and now when it was time we wanted to, we were petrified it wouldn't happen. We went to the movies a few times that week actually lol. The very next week I thought I had food poisoning, except M was eating everything I was eating and he felt fine. I was late, but figured no big deal, I new it could take weeks for my cycle to return to normal. Then on April 19th, it was a Thursday, I was home alone after work and I thought for a second I could be pregnant. We were set to go away for the weekend to celebrate our 6 months of being married. We were going to hang out in a beautiful suite at Reunion Resort, drink lots of champagne and even hit up one of the local theme parks and ride roller coasters till we were sick. But something else filled my head instead... so I took a test, not a fancy one, just a good old plus or minus (I had a coupon for it lol) and I silently waited. After a few minutes I grabbed the test and saw that it just had one line, a vertical line. Well that can't be right, it wasn't the horizontal negative line but it didn't show the full plus sign. I immediately dismissed it and said some jack ass at the EPT plant screwed up and the test was put together wrong. However, I couldn't get it out of my head... it's all I could think about all night. I went online and began googling, and realized to get the most accurate results you need to take it first thing in the morning. Before going to bed that night I had L (one of our pups) in the back yard. I was looking up at the sky and thinking could I be pregnant. I had yet to say a word to M because I wanted to be sure, I wanted it to be real. M came outside to join me and for the first time in a long time he came up from behind me and wrapped his arms around me and put his hands on my belly and began talking about what a beautiful clear night it was, at that point I knew it... I knew I was pregnant. The next morning, April 20th (Friday) I got up at 4am, took another test, and whoa, within seconds there was that plus sign, clear as the sky the night before. I started crying as I sat in the bathroom and couldn't wait for M to wake up. Ill never forget standing in the kitchen that morning telling him that I think we are pregnant. He was shocked and I think even with the test we couldnt believe it. We figured we would be waiting months possible years for this day, and here it is, 3 weeks later.
Now after finding out you are pregnant, you have to wait a few weeks before a doctor will see you. So in the mean time I was dealing with some nausea and it got really intense when we went on a trip to NYC for M's cousin's wedding. It was so hard to travel with his family, to see mine and know we were carrying a special gift but we couldn't tell anyone. Now we know our families would have supported us 200% if something were to happen. Except we were extra cautious because M's sister experienced a miscarriage one week prior to me and M finding out we were pregnant. And we didn't want to put his family through that again if that were to happen, so our lips were sealed. It became a game with me and M, we would order wine at the restaurants and then M would be drinking from both glasses, we would look at each other and read each other's thoughts. It was our little secret and we had such a good time keeping it. Then on May 9th we flew in from NY and went straight to my OBGYN, and took the official pregnancy testing, and yes were pregnant! Confirmation!
We were so excited but decided to keep a secret for just a few more weeks longer, just to be safe. Grandparents to be were thrilled. I could tell M's parents were slightly torn, they were still trying to cope with what happened to their daughter and trying to hard to be happy for us. I can't imagine how difficult that must of been for them. Mine parents were shocked and so happy and my dad got all akward and Thanked Matt... lol poor dad, he didnt know what to say. At this point I also had to begin reseraching a new doctor/midwife because me and M decided it was not safe for me to be traveling to Melbourne all the time for appointments.
As for my pregnancy, I was truly blessed. Yes I experienced some nausea in my first trimester but not enough to make me vomit and some exhaustion, I napped a lot but nothing I couldn't handle. I would say the worst part of the first trimester was my body changing and shifting, my midsection was getting squishy like and poochy and towards the end I had a difficult time dressing myself. Second trimester, I nailed it. Was swimming 3x/week; walking with the pups, I felt incredible and beautiful. This was an exciting time because at 20 weeks we were going to find out what we were having. I remember walking into the office that day, to be perfectly honest I wanted a boy. I was fearful of having a girl, I was nervous about the drama, I wanted her to be kept safe and not let some boy destroy her. Yet me and M both knew it was a girl. We don't even know why we thought that, but we did, we thought it was a girl from the very beginning and when that ultrasound confirmed it we both laughed and cried happy tears and it's amazing how your heart works. Immediately we couldn't imagine having anything but her. Now my third trimester started off awesome, until about 32 weeks and then began the swelling.... boy o boy was I swollen. I had one pair of shoes that fit, I was peeing every 1/2 hour, but I could eat. The plus side was I was sleeping better than I had ever slept. Little did I know how much I would cherish that sleep later.
Q was due on Christmas day. My favorite time of the year. I wasn't sure about her due date, because speaking for myself I would never want my birthday on Christmas Day, but I knew it wasn't my choice when she was born, she would arrive when she was ready to arrive. My father's birthday 12/14 came and gone, Christmas came and gone, and New Years came and went... yet I was still pregnant. I was frustrated, not so much of being pregnant but for our families. Relatives came in for the holidays wanting to see this beautiful little girl, and she was just not ready. My mom was off for about 2 1/2 weeks for Christmas break and I was so excited to have her around to help us with our new addition, yet she was just not ready. Most of all, M's company shuts down for about 2 1/2 weeks and he would have had all this time to bond with her, to help me, to get adjusted, but she was just not ready. I started to get frustrated with friends and family calling, texting, facebooking, "no baby yet?" I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs profanities inserted into the phrases: "No she's not hear yet!" or "I'm still pregnant!" I know they were just excited, and I am very thankful I have friends and family who care, but it all became to much, I felt as though I was letting everyone down and that what if something is wrong. I was a week late, showing no signs of contractions, I hadn't dropped, and she was barely in my pelvis. Finally my doctor said we needed to discuss induction. I was petrified, but something in my gut said this baby needs to come out, I know she is ready, something is holding her back.
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